With money woes, no less.
It’s all good to talk about dreams and future plans, but not having money is seriously something I hate. If I am just talking about my day-to-day needs, I don’t need that much. But when it comes to special occasions like birthdays, weddings, baby showers etc, you need money. And unlike people who currently have jobs, I need to save on other stuff in order to prepare that amount of money.
I can go without expensive food or drinks with friends, but it is always a problem when they are the ones who are drawing steady (and relatively high) salaries and can easily afford many of the things that you are definitely out of your budget. It’s hard to always ask others to accommodate to your budget, since there is nothing stopping them from spending on things they can afford in the first place. And even if they do offer, there is no reason for them to always treat you when the place gets too expensive for your own budget. I thought the best way would be to say go ahead, and join them when they go for an inexpensive place the next time. The problem comes, however, when you get people who try to be thoughtful and make accommodations, but completely miss the point. Do you go ahead because you appreciate the thought, or do you make yourself sound so damn difficult to please by not turning up all the same? Honestly, you can’t win.
It’s at times like this that I have the slightest twinge of angst regarding my decision to leave my job, which was, to be honest, high-paying and a promising career. Just that twinge, because there was no need to scrimp and save and count every expense. I am already feeling quite useless living at home and leeching off my parents for daily necessities, so I don’t want to feel even worse by having to ask for money from them. I know this is a sacrifice that I willingly made, but I just can’t help feeling that urge to go out and get a high-paying job again, regardless of the job scope.
I sometimes feel a little out of touch with the friends who are deep in the rat race. I just took one year off it, and already I feel so different. I’m not sure if my career choices in the future will take me back into that world or veer me off completely, but at this point I can sense differences in lifestyle and priorities between some friends and I. I know real life needs have to be satisfied, but I really hope I don’t forget why I made that choice one year ago. Let this be a belated new year resolution for 2013, and also an early one for 2014, as well as the many years to come.