Checking In

It’s been a while since I have written anything at length on this site. People always say that inspiration comes when you are slightly depressed, so perhaps this is a good sign for my mental health, even if it means that I have not been particularly productive in this area.

I have been in a rather neutral state recently, having completed a short work stint at one place and waiting for confirmation from another. The upcoming work arrangement is something that I have been interested in for quite a long time, and I do hope it helps me grow professionally and allows me space to gain knowledge. In the meantime, I have just been letting myself (and my brain) go. I have been really lazy in doing anything remotely useful or mentally taxing – the most work I have done so far these 2+ weeks is reading fiction. Sounds really like a waste of time in this era, where one moment of rest seems like a sin of some sort against a ticking clock and work standard we all seem to hold ourselves against, but I am savouring it. It is such a rare opportunity to completely let go of work in any sense, to just stop planning ahead for once, and enjoy how it feels like to be not doing anything.

I guess this is a way of rewarding myself after advancing and working for such a long period without properly stopping. I have always been planning ahead – how to get a job as soon as possible after graduating; how to do well in my job and advance my career; how to avoid getting trapped in the blackhole of useless office politics and do actual work; how to write good grad school applications while working at the same time; and then how to do the best I can in school while living a relatively healthy life abroad by myself. I’m pretty sure I’m not the busiest person around. If I were to survey my friends around me, there are definitely those who have so much more on their minds and work much harder. But I felt like I needed a break, and therefore I took one. Work is important, but to me, family, as well as my mental and physical health are more important. Taking time out to recharge is therefore also a priority for me.

Unfortunately, I cannot say that my rest has completely recharged my energies, since I fell sick after the ten days. But it has also been a while since I can completely give in to an illness without worrying about work piling up while I’m recuperating, and just focus on recovering. No need to drag myself out of bed to go to work while I am still sick, or force myself to keep my concentration on work, only to feel terrible after I get home. Feels really good. I am definitely going to make the best of this so that I don’t regret it when my break comes to an end.